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When you fall faster than you can climb...
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| When you fall faster than you can climb... |
| 05.28.04 (10:18 am) [edit] |
I have worked so hard to climb out of the pit that my life was... I have strived to become better than I was... There was no ladder lowered down to me. I took fistfulls of dirt and kicked my way up. I was determined. I sweat and cried and yelled and screamed! The hold I had on the wall would give way and I would go tumbling back down. But I wouldn't stop! I kept climbing! I used roots and rocks and anything that had a firm foundation...anything that would hold my weight. I worked so hard to climb out of my hole...and now it feels as though the ground is collapsing around me. How can it be? I fought so hard and yet it took nothing at all to fall back to my doom...
After three years, I finally found a man that I could trust... And I feel safe with him physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I've barely known him five months and now he's moving to another state...another state far away from mine. Just as soon as I found my best friend, he ups and leaves! I know I can't be selfish...but I still feel betrayed.
As if that wasn't, others in my life that are friends are moving as well. And maybe even my best friend/sister might me moving oversea.
When I reached rock-bottom...and made the decision to start climbing out, I had kinda been in this relationship with this guy named Joey. He's also the guy I got arrested with. My brother had been in a "business" relationship with him (and I'm not talkin' about anything legal, here). My best friend and Joey had some falling out... It was crazy! I think back on it and we were all VERY stupid.
Joey just got out of jail after 8 months...and he's back. I thought I was feeling weak and vulnerable then...and now its worse! I can't ignore him...it would endanger my best friend's life. Yet he isn't anything good for me... Where is MY choice?? How can I ever live on the surface if the ground keeps swallowing me whole?
What happens? What do you do when you fall faster than you can climb? I'm trying to be a good person...but its like something realizes that and brings the horror to me. It's not a movie...this is entrapment. How can I get out of this without someone getting hurt or killed A) Physically, B) Emotionally, C) Mentally, D) Spiritually, or E) All of the above...
You feel as though you're marching into battle, swords ready and armor secure... You can see your enemy, all ten thousand soldiers... But looking to either side...you find yourself standing alone. Where are your allies?? Where is your support? Are they really there and you just can't see them? ...Or are you really just standing alone?
You patched up your armor and sharpened your swords!! You prepared for war! It took you a long time but you climbed out of your pit!!
...But you are alone...and your enemies are great. In one moment, you fell...
Where is the hope? Where is the light? Where is the strength and courage?? Where is the sword that can slay ten thousand?
[b]And for this battle you have? [/b]
Who? No one.
What? Only what you know how to weild.
[b]And this battle is?[/b]
When? Right now.
Where? The place that you can you fall.
[b]You are fighting this battle...[/b]
Why? Because you survived.
Now there's only one question left...
How are you going to win?
How?
Jesus Christ.
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